he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
