Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
