I got chris browned last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
