there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
