And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
