my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
