I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
