After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
