So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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