When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
