hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
