i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
