he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
