Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
