Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
