Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
