I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
