I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
