I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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