Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
