Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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