I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
