i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
