WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
