I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
