You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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