did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
