See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
