i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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