Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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