I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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