No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
