getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
