It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize