He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
