im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
