i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
