Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize