Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
