I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
