last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
