Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
