I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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