I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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