and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
