Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
