Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
