i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
