All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
