hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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