hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
