Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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