Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
