If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I party with great urgency now.
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