Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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