then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
