i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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