Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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