did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize