I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
