You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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