i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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