Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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