if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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