If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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