I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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